Visually Impaired

Purple poodles and cabaret stars in drag, eccentric old women and French girl bands: the name “Zaza” conjures visions of all these and more, and we hoped the new Bandra restaurant with the same moniker would be just as crazy and fun. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. This eatery is disappointingly banal, offering generic multi-cuisine menu, tacky blue lighting and elevator music. Going down? We think so.

The menu here jumps from Chinese to Continental, Middle Eastern to Mughlai in four pages. The food is surprisingly expensive, none of the Middle Eastern dishes have a description, and strangely enough, all menu titles are in French.

Singing the Blues

For drinks, the manager suggested we go with Dead Lady Walking, “not on the menu, but my special concoction of blue curacao and lime - virgin of course, as we serve no alcohol.” Bummer. Comfort yourself with the Waterloo Chiller, a refreshing mix of watermelon and lychee juice instead.

Soup Kitchen

Our first course began with an overspiced and soy sauced Manchow soup that wouldn’t have gone down if it wasn’t for the soup-conducive monsoon weather. This was beefed up by a platter of complimentary Achari and Reshmi kebabs that made a surprise appearance (probably to make up for the slow service and the fact that we were the only diners there) and which were delish, but nothing you won’t get at Kareem’s or Maroosh for the same price.

Next up, mains: mushrooms in a spicy paprika sauce fared well because the gravy was light and didn’t come loaded with cheese. If only the edge of the plate wasn’t garnished with capsicum and tomato rings. Tres tacky! From the Middle Eastern fare, we picked the Bajjaj Kepsa which turned out to be four chicken kebabs topped on a mound of pulav, made flavourful with sides of garlic-tomato and curd dips. This is the kind of dish your mum would make from a Tarla Dalal recipe book: pleasant, but far from restaurant fare.

Lady Zaza

We might have skipped the unappetising dessert menu, had the manager not brought out a complimentary glass filled with fuchsia pink swirls of strawberry mousse. Pretty to look at but as suspected, super sweet with intense artificial flavouring.

Stepping out into the grey afternoon, we tried hard to restore our initial fantasies of Zaza. But the chemical aftertaste of overtly-pink mousse was still sharp on the tongue, drowning out all thoughts of purple poodles and cabaret stars in drag, eccentric old women and French girl bands.

Getting there: Zaza, next to Candies, lane opposite Lilavati Hospital, Reclamation, Bandra (W), call 26455800, meal for two: Rs 800, no alcohol is served.

At bpb, we review restaurants anonymously and pay for our own meals.