*Beat box tune in the background*
The J is for the kids who love Jay-Z
For those who are bored of their VPs (that’s vada pavs for the slow Cs)
And spell healthy with an H and a D
And like chilli fries with their ice tea
And burgers that ain’t too oily
And can rap faster than we wrote this ditty.

Writing "rap rhymes" might make us feel old, but The J is still young: opened a couple of weeks ago this tiny eatery is located in prime campus property, right opposite two of South Bombay's biggest colleges and can best be described as an underground version of Candies kitchen, with Sellotaped walls, pink and black paper cones and faded sketch-penned doodles. 

Check out the humongous white board, limned with doodles, advertising specials like red velvet milkshakes “for those who can’t choose between cupcakes or milkshakes” and J in the Jungle - chicken and cheese fries. It also advises hungry college kids that, “For any questions, ask cute counter guy,” who also happens to be owner Jai Vaswani, and who’s cuteness we’ll vouch for.  And while some names on the menu are cheesy attempts at relating them to the café’s name (burgers christened J’s Better Chicken Roll, V-J burger and the AJ-7) a shredded chicken sandwich called 'Mayo Force Be With You' made us snicker. 

Jay Birds

The J is tiny, so we suggest you order fast - Hell-D chicken burger with white bread (they didn’t have brown bread in stock), a red velvet milkshake and chilli cheese fries were our poison of choice. The burger was fresh, it's chicken mince patty made while we waited, but ended up being a bit little mushy: - still, it tasted good, with a not-to-oily patty, good quality tomatoes and lettuce and a bit too much mustard. 

Although the idea is interesting, red velvet milkshake was weird and powdery on the tongue. Chilli cheese fries on the other hand, were awesome: served in one of those pink and black cones, the slender, perfectly crisp fries came slathered in spicy chilli sauce and melted cheese—we’d recommend tackling these with a bib on. 

Too busy to jay walk? The J does delivery too, anywhere between Cuffe Parade and Churchgate. Yes, they're cool like that.

Getting there: 3, Vaswani Mansions, opposite KC College, call 9819400369/9820027118, open between 9 am and 6 pm (closed on Sundays), Rs 80 for the burger, Rs 100 for the red velvet milkshake, Rs 60 for a small serving of chilli cheese fries.