Turn Over a New Beef

This could be our White Castle, we thought, as we made our way to The Big Nasty! last night, Union Park’s newest burger bistro, a stoner’s throw away from Olive. Here we were told, “enormously huge” burgers, unapologetically messy and delish, could be washed down with Millers and Hoegaarden on tap. Four bad burgers and one juicy double fantasy later (Gondola’s beef burger), we had few nice things to report back to Harold and Kumar.

Toto, I Have a Feeling We’re Not in Kansas Anymore

Built handsomely, the place not the burgers, The Big Nasty! (from the guys behind Wtf! bar) comes with heavy iron chairs, caged lights, aluminium floors and grungy grills – think upscale version of Toto’s Garage Pub– and also tons of space in-between tables, a feature that made us want to move all Friday night beer plans here. Note: Try and book one of the two corner tables with big window panes overlooking a park. Certain incongruous elements like coloured glass panes, clay masks and pretty aerial plants at the entrance, can be overlooked.

For the first night open to the public, the place was buzzing with a fun vibe, indistinct chatter mixing nicely with retro songs. We got beers for the table, as well as a waiter-recommended Nasty Mary, a seriously fiery guava juice, vodka, green chilli and Tabasco mix, one that had to be tamed with a little soda. The food menu here is dedicated to burgers and subs, supported by lists of appetisers and sides.

How to Make a Bun

The fried mozzarella and fish and chips were the first to arrive with our drinks, both cube-shaped and cold on the inside. Not only was the fried fish soggy, it also smelled dodgy and had to be replaced with chicken nachos, a mix of beans and watery cheese that were just a shade better. The cheese squares made us yearn for the Wtf!’s chilli cheese croquets.

From the burgers we picked the Kingfish, Turkish Lamb, Malabari beef and chilli malai paneer versions. The ones we skipped include Madras roast chicken, pulled pork, falafel, two bean, oat-paneer and Baroda Classic veggie burger. In spite of opting for the small size, the buns arrived plump and rather well fed, waiting to be bitten into.

Patty On!

After a round of bites around the table, it was safe to assume that the bread was far from fresh, crumbling and coming apart in places, and the sides, tasteless. The inside of the lamb burger lacked the Arabian spices we were promised; the paneer tasted like cream and caramelised onion and came with oil-soaked chilli garlic potato bites and a too-heavily dressed vinaigrette salad; and the sub-par classic beef burger made us have abovementioned fantasy of Gondola, Bandra’s buns. The Kingfish burger like the fish and chips, came with suspect sea food that didn't taste right, and had to be replaced with mini hot dogs. These slathered with mustard and ketchup, sandwiched in that consistently stale bread for the night, was the high point of the meal. The portion sizes and reasonable prices are the only silver linings. Seeing how we’d barely pecked at the food before us, the manager threw in a free brownie that arrived big, gooey and melt-y, just the way we like it.

The Big Nasty

Obvious word play about this Nasty was expected, considering the rumbling stomachs at the table, where everyone who lives in the vicinity and loves the food at Wtf! wanted so badly for this joint to be awesome. Unfortunately, pretty much everything we ordered struck out on taste (even the curly fries were served cold), leading us to believe it was more than just a bad day in the kitchen.

We’ll probably return to the bar for a beer, the best thing since their sliced bread.

Getting there: The Big Nasty!, 2nd floor, Shatranj Napoli Building, next to Olive Bar and Kitchen, Union Park, Khar (W), call , Rs 1,200 for a meal for two, Rs 240 for a beef burger.

bpb reviews anonymously and pays for its own meals.