American diner or Bollywood kitsch? Let’s throw them both in there and see what happens, is probably what the guys behind Black Gold Café said. This new Bandra eatery at Hill Road features a black and white chequered floor and semi-circular couch, but also wooden chairs and table tops with Bollywood art. One vada burger please.

Gouda Go

We visited this four-day old café yesterday to find that the menu cards hadn’t been printed yet, so we referred to the big board hung above the counter that featured coffee, tea and a whole bunch of snacks. We started with a DIY multi-grain sandwich that kept within its loaves sliced tomatoes, cucumbers, grilled zucchini, lettuce, capsicum, grilled chicken, and imported Belgian smoked gouda cheese, which took the price of the sandwich up to an expensive Rs 360. Despite building it from scratch, the soggy sandwich turned up looking a day-old, with dull ingredients that lacked a punch.

On the staff’s recommendation we got the Affagato (Rs 128) served in a martini glass with a melted scoop of ice cream, which was once again, unremarkable. It was between these two disappointments that we were introduced to the lounge area that will be active as soon as their liquor license is sorted. If the schizophrenic café wasn’t enough, this enclosed area out back with red velvet drapes and rainbow-coloured ceiling lights is even more disconnected from reality. And not in a good way.

One Love

We went back to our pretty wooden chair with teacup back (the sole attraction at Black Gold Café), and decided to get the rest of our parcel to go. This included a yum chicken tart (Rs 169) with a creamy, cheesy centre and a fluffy, not-too-sweet coffee muffin (Rs 89) that we could see ourselves picking up in the morning if we were passing by. Only if they promise not to give us another red velvet tour. The vegetarian bruschetta (Rs 159) topped with tomatoes and black olives, unfortunately did not travel well, so it’s probably better eaten at the café.

In a suburb where you can never be more than a muffin’s throw away from a coffee and sandwich joint, Black Gold Café seriously needs to up its game and lower its prices. Also, picking one personality and going with it, would help. There’s all kinds of medication for this condition.

Getting there: Black Gold Café, shop no 1 and 2, ground floor, Hill View, 158 Hill Road, Bandra (W), Rs 1,050 for two people.

bpb reviews anonymously and pays for its own meals.