An orgy of Mumbai’s 69 sexiest items.

Feel

24-Hour Chemists: Khar Medical Stores, Station Road, Khar (W); Parel Chemists, opposite Wadia Maternity Hospital, Parel; Bombay Chemists, opposite Bombay Hospital, New Marine Lines; Nobel Medical, Clanfield Building, next to Ashok Academy School, Lokhandwala Complex, Andheri (W).

“Be Stupid” Campaign by Diesel: The funniest, sexiest, ballsiest ad campaign ever. See online here or visit the store. Remember to come in your jeans. Diesel store, Palladium at Phoenix Mills, Senapati Bapat Marg, Lower Parel.

Book the Sensual Room: The Vaasna or ‘Sensual’ room at Le Sutra art hotel comes with a Yoni lamp, Khajurao miniatures above the bathtub, rose petals on the bed, sexy ceiling fresco. Chamber made!  Le Sutra, Union Park, next to Olive Bar and Kitchen, Khar (W), call 26492995, www.lesutra.in; rooms start at Rs 7,500.

Brazilian Wax: This procedure is nothing short of World War III, and it’s important that you have a good general. Enlist Doreen at the Taj President, who is gentle and still fast, or go over to Freeda’s in Bandra, frequented by Bollywood celebrities. Freeda’s, 41 Ground Floor, Roshni, M S Road, Bandra (W), call 26051638; Salon and Spa at Taj Vivanta, Cuffe Parade, call 66650808, Rs 700.

Calligraphy Notes: Ask calligraphy artist Ahmed Khattal to write sexy notes on your behalf. Prize per word! 8 Killedar Mansion, Killedar Street, Jacob Circle, Byculla, call 9821499747 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , start at Rs 10 per line.

Cheap Films: Sandwiched between brothels and dubious “clinics”, this group of cinema halls – formerly used as play houses by the British - screen Bollywood films from the 1980s and 1990s with tickets costing as low as Rs 20. Pila Haus, Kamathipura, Grant Road.

Chromosome portraits: Put your family jewels on display. All you have to do is lick a stick, put in envelope, mail it to DNA11 and receive a cool chromosome portrait of your gene structure. They work with lip impressions too.  DNA11, visit www.dna11.com or call Qadir at 9820337065, starts at approximately Rs 10,000.

Dating Coach: Hitch-style love coach Vicky Kalwani gives lessons in scoring women. Practicals conducted at bars and coffee shops. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or visit the Facebook group here, Rs 10,000 for a one week course.

Do it in a Tree: If you’re not a fan of the full bush, how about a tree? Position yourself on top at The Machan’s 40-feet high eco-chic tree houses, complete with outdoor showers and kinky glass-walled rooms. The Machan, 20 kms past Lonavla, call +91 8080877420 or visit www.themachan.com, Rs 10,000 a night including breakfast and dinner.

Erotic Reading: Electric Feather: The Tranquebar Book of Erotic Stories edited by Ruchir Joshi. Also a stimulating read is The Pregnant King by Devdutt Pattanaik. Available at book stores across Mumbai, Rs 395 and Rs 299 respectively.

French library: Get Sarkozy under the covers after you borrow a book - fiction, graphic novels and fashion mags - at this free French library. B-24 /1-6, Adarsh Society, Sector 8, Sanpada, Navi Mumbai, call 9867369397 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , free membership.

Hen’s Night: Dick of cards, x-rated toothpicks, inflated love dolls and other bachelorette party supplies on order. Call Radhika at 9833737095 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , start at Rs 30.

In & Out: This petrol pump store in Bandra is one of the few places in the city to buy Durex’s vibrating condom rings. The store’s moniker is purely coincidental. In & Out, at the petrol pump opposite Amarsons, Linking Road, Bandra (W).

Kama Sutra in 2011: A modern day interpretation of the ancient sex bible comes alive with chapters on ‘Drinking Parties’ and ‘Hitting During Sex’. Releases in India in March 2011, book your mates in advance! Kama Sutra: A Guide to the Art of Pleasure" by Aditya Narayan Dhairyasheel Haksar, pre-order on Amazon here.

Kumari Loves a Monster: One buxom, sari-clad beauty and her many beasts. Best fairy tail ever! By Rashmi Ruth Devadasan and illustrations by Shyam (Blaft Publications), available online, Rs 395.

Love in a Mango Orchard: The time is ripe for love at this beachfront stay bang in the middle of an Alphonso mango orchard. Recommended for a summer affair.  Mahua Bagh Alibagh, visit http://www.mahuaresorts.com or call 9819469323, Rs 3,600 per night for an AC cottage, meals included.

Luckiest Couch: Move over Freud. And KJo. The luckiest couch can be found at the Taj Sea Lounge, a corner seat that well-fed Mumbai families use to introduce marriageable girls and boys. Used since the 1950s. Sea Lounge, Taj Mahal Hotel & Palace, Nathalal Parikh Rd Colaba, call 66653366.

Luxury Gay Travel: Get off the straight and narrow path with this travel agency that caters exclusively to gay couples, organising group tours and individual trips all over India. Inja Pink, visit www.indjapink.co.in, price on request.

Make Your Own Bath Salts: Make love. And bath salts. This beauty store lets you mix sensual powders - tangerine and cinnamon, lemon and honey - in test tubes and take them home. The Nature’s Co, Palladium, Phoenix Mills Compound, 2nd floor, Lower Parel, call 32211771, or visit their website here, Rs 175 a test tube.

Pecking Order: Steal a smooch on the water tank above Regal Cinema, a move that requires stealth and buying movie tickets that will go to waste. Houseful or blouse full? Regal Cinema, Apollo Bandar, opposite Cafe Royale, Colaba.

Pole dancing kit & class: A pair of stilettos, a detachable pole from Anne Summers, and sexy Shilpa showing you the moves. Need we say more? Call Shilpa at 9820053943, classes at Gold’s Gym and Dadar; visit www.annesummers.com, start at Rs 4,000.

QueerInk: Find a hundred climaxes at this online bookstore, which stocks a nice collection of gay and lesbian literature, as well as other interesting non-commercial works. Visit www.queer-ink.com.

Raspberry Sorbet Scrub: For Rs 2,500, you can get felt up by strangers and slathered with raspberry sorbet. Delish! Snip Salon and Spa, Snip Salon & Spa, ground floor, Villa Parker, Turner Road, Bandra (W), call 26421800/1900 or visit www.snip.co.in

Rent-a-bed: Mumbai’s raunchiest rental, it lets you hire out all kinds of beds – even a pretty four poster Burma teak one – from behind the closed doors of plush South Mumbai homestore. Details, near Bombay House, Homi Modi Street, Fort, call 22043732, start at Rs 200.

Rent True Blood: How’s this True Blood flash for sexy? Rent the bold, carnal HBO series where bloodsucking vampires and humans co-exist.

Sexiest Tattoo Parlour: What’s hotter than needles, pain and permanent professions of love in a pretty tattoo lounge? Hakim’s Alim, 27 ground floor, Krishna House, Union Park, Golf Link Road, off Carter Road, Bandra (W), call 26460043.

Sexy Play List: Colorblind, Counting Crows; Bruises, Chairlift; Right in Time, Lucinda Williams; Your Body is a Wonderland, John Mayer; Love Like a Sunset, Phoenix.

Yin Yang Yoga: Downward Facing Dog and other positions to take in couples’ yoga class. Cosmic Fusion, a/2 wing, 101, Lok Nirman Towers, Ambedkar Road, Khar (W), call 26488055/56 or visit www.cosmicfusion.in, class functional only if there are enough couples, Rs 5,000 per couple for 12 classes a month.

Taste

Aphrodisiac Recipe: Spicy cocktail nut recipe from the very piping hot food blogger Shaheen Peerbhai. Read it here.

Arome: This mistress of spices flaunts a seductive stock – cinnamon sticks from Vietnam, poppy seeds from Turkey, mamra almonds from Iran, walnuts from Kashmir. Believers can also stock up on aphrodisiacs like saffron. Crystal Shopper’s Paradise, shop no 17, ground floor, junction of 33rd and Linking Road, Bandra (W), call 26058991, Rs 80 for 30 gms of oregano.

Bay View Terrace Bar: Discounted beer, inexpensive dessert and free view of the Gateway, Taj Mahal Hotel and marina. Best. Cheap Date. Ever. Bay View Terrace Bar, Hotel Harbour View, Opp. Radio Club, Colaba, Rs. 125 for a beer.

Bonobo: Freshly squeezed fruit cocktails, revellers and other wild things at the home of Bandra’s sex monkey. Bonobo, 2nd floor, KFC building, Linking Road, Bandra (W), cocktails for Rs 300 each.

Boozy Dates: No judgements passed on drunk dates, especially Date a Chocolate’s safawi and medjoul versions that come filled with chocolate and whisky, tequila or Baileys. Ahh, the khajoor’s last sigh. Date a Chocolate, call 9820113368 or visit www.dateachocolate.in, Rs 200 for eight pieces.

Bubblicious: Declare your love (or lust) on a bottle of Moët & Chandon’s Rosé Impérial with a gold pen. Blush! Call 9820086557 for details, Rs 6,000.

Champagne Breakfast in Bed: Woke up with the wrong person? Make things better with Recipe Mobile’s breakfast hamper that comes with a bottle of Sula Brut, juice, coffee, tea sachets, pancake mix, butter, honey, bread, cheese, fruit preserve, cookies, chocolate-covered strawberries, mini cupcakes and two roses.  Log onto www.recipemobile.com or call Deepa Jain at 9820660904, order 48 hours in advance. Rs 2,500.

Cheated Affair: Follow the super simple instructions in this pre-assembled hamper, and you can “cook” up a fancy meal for your beloved. All’s fair! Little Food Co, call Bhakti Mehta on 9819136441, 48 hour notice required, Rs 3,500.

Chocolate Covered Strawberries: These guys sure know how to treat a strawberry – dipping it in white or milk chocolate, coating with sprinkles, coconut shavings and tiny sugar hearts. Juicy couture at Shocolaat, 95-Fernandes Villa, Hill Road, Bandra (W), to order call 9920561313, Rs 30 per piece.

Chocolate Club: CVADO1502 may as well be a swingers club, tempting members to leave their partners for better halves of handmade European caramels and bitters. Visit www.cvado1502.com, Rs 2,750 for a month’s membership that includes home delivery of twenty treats every month.

Flavoured Honeys: Sweet, sticky and labelled sensually with ‘Litchi’ and ‘Forest’ tags. Under the Mango Tree, call 9833154478 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , Rs 200 onwards for 500 gms.

Kamasutra Cookies: Bend over for delish cookies moulded in shapes of different sex poses and available in peanut butter, walnut and dark chocolate chips. Mission(ary) possible! The Baking Tray, call Rebecca on 09821694917 or visit www.thebakingtrayonline.com, Rs 1,200 for one kg.

Kulfi on a Stick: Blow hot, blow cold on this yum desi dessert on a stick. Apsara, next to Parla Station, opposite McDonalds, For delivery, call 26144990, Rs 12 per stick.

Liquor Lollipops: Love can suck, especially if it’s these vodka, mint and chocolate lollipops you’re after. Pure Sin, Pil Court, Churchgate, call 22000267 to order, Rs 20 each.

Love Lunch: Sexy lunch dabba with salmon, sushi, kaho suey? Check. Lunch with sexy co-worker? It will follow. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for menus and rates.

Secret Restaurant: It’s hard to believe that meals this sexy  - golden prawn tempura, mushroom vul-au-vent and piquant sorbets – are served at a deserted, almost-secret restaurant. Tap that (door). Noah’s Mohammedbhai Mansion, Kemp’s Corner, Cumballa Hill Hospital Lane, next to Images, call 23896111.

Turning Tables: Twenty strangers, lots of wine, a private home, delish diiner. The possibilities are endless. Sign for bpb’s monthly underground dinner at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Wet Wicket Bar: Suggestive name, cheap beers, great views. Cozy up to a CCI member, and you can have all of these – quite a catch! Cricket Club of India, Marine Drive.

Wine Crush Course: Super hot model and sommelier Shamita Singha teaches virgin vino enthusiasts all they need to know about wine. Bad students will not be spanked, unfortunately. We Know Vino wine club, email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or view the Facebook group here, price on request.

Have

A Really Good Screw: Happily Unmarrried gives it to you - a screw-shaped loose change collector with secret cavity to hide condoms. Hammer away! Visit www.happilyunmarried.com, Rs 500.

Azaad Bazaar: A gay pride store that stocks handcuffs, boas, eyelashes and other fun props for people of all orientations. Take a swing! Corner of 16th and 33rd Road, ground floor, opposite Mini Punjab, off Linking Road, Bandra (W), start at Rs 100.

BADgal Lash Mascara: Nothing’s badder than Benefit’s BADgal mascara that paint your lashes in shades of electric blue and plum. Available in Mumbai by order at The Beauty Bar, Red Rose Apartments, off Linking Road, Andheri (W), call Kamya at 32254300 or 9819561136, visit the Facebook group here,

Cheap Sex Boxers: Stamped with silly innuendos like “bum chick chick bum” and “big BANGer”, these boxers will make her grin before you bare it. But after that, you’re on your own. Vertical Orgy boxers from Cheap Sex, buy it at www.cheapsex.co.in or at Attic, Santacruz (W), Rs 450.

Condom King: Online condom store home delivers for those who never want to get out of bed. Log on to www.condomking.in, home delivery in four days, Rs 240 for a pack of 3 glowing ones.

Design Bait: Leather-lined brass torture devices to curb your vices. Call +91 9910270689 or visit www.designbait.com, price on request.

Fat Beds: If you like it chunky, call this boutique hotel in Kolkata and they’ll ship over their uber-luxurious, hyper-comfy Fat Beds, right to your doorstep. Chrome Hotel, Kolkatta, to order email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , available in Fat King, Fat Queen and Fat Solo sizes, start at Rs 35,000, shipped nationally.

Flower Lights: Wound around your four poster bed or hung on an antique cage, these handmade fairy lights are a good way to string him along. Call Varsha Arya at 9619011006, email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or place your order on www.varshaarya.com, Rs 950 for a string.

Hot Bow Ties: Tie each other up in Etro’s bows – around the neck for men, like a garter belt with mini skirt for women. Etro, Palladium Mall, High Street Phoenix, Senapati Bapat Marg, Lower Parel.

Lap dance chair: A single seat with double-back, this chair is a decidedly kinky offering by toy studio Pink Elephant. Straddle up! Email Suhasani Paul at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or visit the Facebook page here, Rs 15,000.

Lip Couch: Take home this red hot, oversized pair of lips. Ms Scarlet in the bedroom with the candlestick! Poltrona Frau Group Design Center, ITTS House, K Dubash Marg, Kala Ghoda, call 66153334, log on to www.poltronafraugroup.in.

Lipstick Lighter: Kindle many flames with this red noir lighter. Goes brilliantly with a slender cigarette holder and slinky black dress. Party Hunterz, Dr Ambedkar Road, next to Yellow Tree Cafe, Bandra (W), call 65250747, Rs 300.

Love Travel Guides: They’re no bpb, but these guides to Mumbai, Delhi and Bangalore provide good local insights and are super pretty, in a romantically wilted kind of way. By Fiona Caulfield, Good Earth outlets or Bombay Electric, Colaba, visit www.lovetravelguides.com, Rs. 1,200.

Mirrors on the Ceiling: Get kinky with this acher’s dozen of heart-shaped ceiling mirrors, which come with adhesive backs and can also be stuck on floors and walls. Mozaic, Victory Villa, next to Bank of India, Turner Road, Bandra (W), call 9820194985, Rs 5,000 for a set of 12.

Moustache Hangers: These clothes hangers come in a variety of different moustache shapes - handlebar, walrus, pencil, Dali – and are perfect for closet Trichophiliacs. The Rabbit and the hair! Email Priti from Red Lion on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , Rs 2,000 for a set of four.

New Intimate Relations: Starting this month FCUK starts stocking boxers and briefs for men. Available at standalone FCUK stores across the city, start at Rs 199.

Narciso Rodriguez for Men: This fragrance, ladies, is sure to get your juices flowing. Dark and dense and ridiculously delish, it’s designed to get stronger (and more dangerous) as the night wears on. Scent percent! Available online at Sephora.com and at all Duty Free shops, approximately Rs 5,000.

Secret Pillows: Virginal white linen pillows stitched with glow-in-the-dark messages like “clandestine” and “safe place”, and a secret compartment to store love letters (or a gun). Perfect for the newly bedded! Bandit Queen, Byculla (W), call 22948752 or visit www.banditqueen.in.

Sexy Schoolteacher/Master Eyeglass Frames: Remember not to spare the rod. Obataimu pop-up store, Kala Ghoda Café, Kala Ghoda, call Lucy at 9769915829, wooden frames start at Rs 10,000.

Sock it, Bitch! If you have a thing for schoolgirls in long, titillating socks, SoKistan and Happy Socks are your best trends. SoKistan, www.sokistan.com, start at Rs 1,000; Happy Socks, call + 91 917 6651557 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , also available at Bombay Electric, Colaba, start at Rs 699.

Straps and Strings: This online lingerie store is the best place to get your panties in a bunch. Visit www.strapsandstrings.com, Rs 5,000 for a swimsuit.