First words, outstanding and hilarious, from two American performers who return to the spotlight after losing their houses. Read excerpts from US President Barack Obama’s speech in Delhi, and the opening monologue (and TV clips) from Conan O’Brien’s new show titled Conan – because “Oprah was taken” - on TBS’s late-night slot.
US President Barack Obama’s Speech to the Joint Session of the Indian Parliament in New Delhi
“And we believe that when countries and cultures put aside old habits and attitudes that keep people apart, when we recognize our common humanity, then we can begin to fulfill these aspirations that we share. It’s a simple lesson contained in that collection of stories which has guided Indians for centuries —- the Panchtantra. And it’s the spirit of the inscription seen by all who enter this great hall: “That one is mine and the other a stranger is the concept of little minds. But to the large-hearted, the world itself is their family.”
This is the story of India; this is the story of America —- that despite their differences, people can see themselves in one another, and work together and succeed together as one proud nation. And it can be the spirit of partnership between our nations —- that even as we honor the histories which in different times kept us apart, even as we preserve what makes us unique in a globalized world, we can recognize how much we can achieve together.
And if we let this simple concept be our guide, if we pursue the vision I’ve described today —- a global partnership to meet global challenges —- then I have no doubt that future generations —- Indians and Americans —- will live in a world that is more prosperous and more secure and more just because of the bonds that our generation has forged today.
So, thank you, and Jai Hind. (Applause.) And long live the partnership between India and the United States. (Applause.)”
Conan’s Opening Monologue on Conan
“Thank you. Thank you and welcome to my 2nd Annual first show.
Yes, I know what you guys are thinking, “Hey, it’s the guy from Twitter.”.
Welcome to my new show, “Conan.” People ask me why I named the show “Conan.” I did it so I’d be harder to replace.
This is an exciting night. I’m glad to be on cable. The truth is, I’ve dreamed of being a talk show host on basic cable ever since I was 46.
And things are going well already. I’m happy to report that we’re already #1 in TBS’s key demographic --- people who can’t afford HBO.
I’m going to be honest: It’s not easy doing a late-night show on a channel without a lot of money and that viewers have trouble finding. So that’s why I left NBC.
But the weird thing is this: I put myself and my staff through a lot because I refused to go on at midnight. So I get this job at eleven. Then, yesterday, Daylight Savings Time ended - so right now it’s basically midnight. In fact, it’s 12:05.
A lot’s happened in the news since I went off the air --- and I was hoping I could cover it all in one joke. But then I realized that’s like trying to keep an Icelandic volcano from wearing Lady Gaga’s meat dress while a trapped Chilean miner cleans up the BP oil spill … Brett Favre’s penis.”
Watch clips from Conan's first episode here.
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